stronger than cancer faster than fear

I love to run....Well, I don’t always love to run – I love to say I love to run. Sometimes I don’t even like to run but I always like the end of the run. I love that even after a stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis (3 years ago now) I can still run – faster and further than before cancer, thank you very much.

I started running with my husband a few years before I was diagnosed, ironically because I was worried about his health as he approached middle age. I wanted to guarantee that he was going to be healthy and we would be able to rock out our retirement on our front porch. Oh, how I nagged him to run with me, lose a few pounds and take his health seriously. So much for guarantees. Thankfully not once during my diagnosis and subsequent treatment (surgery, chemo and radiation) did he throw that back in my face!

I was recovering from a knee injury when I was diagnosed with cancer at 39 years old. People were shocked when they heard, countless times they'd all say "It can't be, you are the healthiest person I know!" Guess not...

I got scared when I was diagnosed and during treatment. I no longer trusted my body or my judgment. After all, wasn't I already doing it all right when it all went wrong? I was emotionally and physically exhausted, I felt weak. One day, as I was going through treatment, convinced that I was done with running and stress and anything else difficult or hard, I realized that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life. I missed feeling strong. I missed the joy of doing something I wasn’t sure I could when I started out. I missed feeling like an athlete and the feeling that I could do things that other people were afraid to even try.

I started researching what I could do after my active treatment was over and found several studies showing how beneficial exercise is in preventing recurrence. Ok then! Say no more! Sign me up!

I did my first post treatment 5k a week after my last chemo (slow and ugly). I did a few more and six months later, one year to the day from diagnosis, I ran my fastest 5k EVER at Freihofer’s Race for Women – a full minute per mile faster than my pre cancer races. Six months later I did a sprint triathalon and a month later I did my first half marathon. I have since done 3 more half marathons, 1 full marathon, and countless 5ks and another triathalon (though that one did end up in a crash and a trip in an ambulance - but I got a cool story out of it and some pretty neat scars.

I have created and run three weekly exercise programs for survivors at various gyms and recreation facilities and I have created many exercise addicts and running junkies along with many, many new friends. I now own my own business, www.runninghightees.com, promoting exercise and wellness - especially for survivors - loving what I do and doing what I love!

Three years after being diagnosed - almost to the day - I ran the Freihofer's Race for Women - two and a half minutes faster than that fastest post cancer race. I have shaved about two minutes PER MILE off my pre cancer 5k time, ran a half marathon in under 2 hours last winter and am training for my second marathon. When the run get's tough my mantra is "Stronger than cancer, faster than fear." I repeat that over and over through hills and sprints and scary moments in the middle of the night.

The fear doesn't go away, I still go to bed most nights and wake up most mornings thinking CANCER. Training has given me something so much healthier to obsess about. Instead of worrying myself to sleep, I go over my training plan and when I wake up it is to jump into sneaks and run, literally, out the door.

I run to keep my stress and weight down. I run to keep my endorphins up. I run to stay sane. I run to prove myself…to myself. I run because research shows that exercise may keep cancer from returning. I run because it is within my control, unlike just about everything else in my life! I run because I can and even if I don’t love every step, I am grateful for every step.

I don’t always love to run but I love that I can.